Thoughts from the Thinking

OK, here is the situation*:

You are infatuated with someone you see almost everyday but you aren’t sure how they feel about you. There are times when things seem to be heading towards becoming more personal (ie, s/he feels the same way about you as you do about them) but there are also times when this person is almost distant and shows apathy towards you. You can’t tell if they are just one of those always happy people or like you.

Your options are pretty clear here: you either a) approach them and show interest in fairly obvious ways and start with casual nights out or b) try to forget about how you feel about them and assume that they are not interested. You let go of how you feel and move on.

Option “a” can be difficult to begin for several reasons:

1. This type of thing can build up a false hope that results in more hurt when the person of interest says that they just want to be friends.
2. It can be hard to work around busy schedules even for casual nights out with even more than just the two of you. People are busy, especially in college and such.
3. How do you casually ask someone out? This isn’t exactly covered in the manual I got when I hit puberty…come to think of it, I didn’t get a manual when I hit puberty.

Option “b”, however, is what you could call a Preemptive Strike. It is just so much easier to push someone away before they could potentially hurt you. This is, of course, assuming that the person isn’t interested in you at all. This is a dangerous assumption because you basically throw out any possibility before you take the chance. As Shaun told me recently: “Half a glass. It doesn’t have to be empty or full. Just half.”

I’m not a half glass kind of guy though…I’m either all in or I fold. This is actually a fairly good strategy in poker sometimes. However, it doesn’t work well in relationship starting. There is less pain in a preemptive strike than in taking chances. It is easier and that is bothersome to me now that I am thinking about it. Sure, it isn’t easy to let go but it is easier than facing the prospects of being rejected. There are times even when being in a relationship is as scary as being rejected (talk about your no win situation). Playing the Vulcan is a safe bet, but not always the best one…

The point is not how much life can suck sometimes, but that there is much to be learned from others’ mistakes and the realization that sometimes you just have to hold on and preserver to the end, whatever that end may be. It isn’t easy, and I’m not about to say that it is because that would make me a bit of a hypocrite. I know that I am guilty of the preemptive strike strategy and I am even months or a year later beginning to regret that decision. There is nothing I can do about it and I just have to deal with the choices I made.

I know this year I made a commitment to not sit on the sidelines and to be more active. I failed this commitment pretty much so far this year. Sure, I have made huge strides in my personal prayer life and strive to make every day worth living but I am still a Vulcan at some level. Perhaps admitting there is a problem is the first step to recovery, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

For some closure: I am not here to offer answers because I don’ t have them but at least I know the problem. I at least hope that you will learn as much as I have in the past 2 days…

*Let’s say that this is hypothetical.