Thoughts from the Thinking

In my rather vast experience of being turned down (OK, not so vast, but still learned) I have discovered that many girls don’t really know what they want. All over MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, and anywhere else on the internet you will see that girls want a “nice guy” but when it comes time to turn a guy down or break up the line is “You are a nice guy but. . .”

There is a pretty obvious flaw with this:
How is the guy being rejected exactly what you are looking for (or at least what you say you are looking for)?

Now, many would stop here and just say “WTF Mate?!” and possibly swear off women or abuse them instead. Not me, I need to keep going because this is not enough for me. There has to be a full explanation for this blatant contradiction.

I have heard that using the phrase “You are a nice guy but. . .” is a defense mechanism used to prevent the destruction of the “precious” friendship. The problem is that it doesn’t work. All this does is confuse the poor guy and certainly won’t make the friendship work much better, if at all ever again. The simple reason for this is that you just lied. Simple as that; by withholding the real reason (whatever that may be: looks, another guy, no personality, not enough common interests, whatever) why the relationship is ended (or never started) you have lied. Without that honesty, there can be no trust. Without trust, there can be no friendship. Mission failed.

So, the obvious next step is to properly define the term “nice guy.” This is much harder than you might think, trust me. A nice guy is clearly either not what girls are looking for, or what they are looking for. The problem is that it can’t be both. I will hazard a guess that in reality a “nice guy” is in fact what girls are not looking for. There, I said it. A nice guy is just that, a nice guy. Not quite a man, but no longer a boy.

–Short Diversion–
Boy: Immature, physically (ie sexually) and slightly emotionally (though they wouldn’t admit it) driven, young male primarily interested in pleasure of the body (ie sex)
Guy: Somewhere between Boy and Man. Perhaps less immature, but slightly physically driven. The emotional aspect sneaks in more than the physical and he may be willing to admit it. A guy may actually think about long term, but is still interested in what he can get in the short term.
Man: Mature, emotionally, spiritually (I could make a case for this some other time) driven but with prudence, young male interested in the real meaning of Love (Not enough time or space to define this one. . .) and hoping to find someone to love forever, perfectly, completely.
–End Diversion–

Sure a nice guy is fine, for a while. Bottom line, a nice guy won’t be there in the end and probably won’t be willing to give up everything to make a woman happy.

So, why am I not a nice guy?

I know I am not perfect. I have flaws (character and physical) and those flaws haunt me. I try so hard to be better and perhaps that makes me better. You can’t change a guy but maybe you can change a man and that is why I think I consider myself to be a man: I want to change to make her happy.