I’m a loser

Posted: July 19, 2010 at 9:06 pm

Have you ever had one of those funks where you suddenly hit a wall and you don’t know why? I am talking about one of those times when on one day you are happy, you are excited about the direction that your life is heading but then the next day you are suddenly down and out. You can’t explain why you are down and out but you just are. You haven’t lost…you just didn’t win yet. There is nothing wrong with your life…something justĀ  doesn’t feel right.

Maybe it is from an impatience with things that have been delayed. Maybe it is from an ignorance..you don’t know what is really going on so you always assume the worst. There is a kind of emptiness that hasn’t been filled in too long. Maybe you miss someone; maybe you miss doing the things you used to do; maybe you suddenly realize that you only have a short amount of time left in a place you have called home.

It isn’t that you lost…it is that you need a win because you feel like you have lost. But is the absence of a win really a loss? Are ties losses? Well, they aren’t wins, I know that. But it isn’t even that, the game isn’t over…sometimes you feel like you got a pair of jacks with an ace in the whole but there are 2 more cards left to flip and the dealer isn’t calling yet.

Maybe this is all nonsensical venting…but it is what it is. I need a win because I feel like a loser.

Untold truths are just lies

Posted: June 21, 2010 at 3:47 pm

the clock’s hands stand still
time stops as the world spins
the path to happiness is up hill
true happiness isn’t counting wins

shake it up to start the clock
steady hands become twitching eyes
she waits as I take stock
secret truths untold are just lies.

I haven’t titled this poem and I’m not sure I will. What I do know is that I find the last line very disturbing (and I wrote it). I’m a little uneasy with the thought that if I hold back a truth I am for all intents and purposes lying. Lying is (according to one definition from Augustine) a deception with intent to harm. Is withholding truths that aren’t asked for deceiving?

Anyway, just some thoughts…and I needed to post something because it has been quiet around here lately.

The Unlikely Disciple: a review

Posted: May 28, 2010 at 3:01 pm

Recently I finished reading Kevin Roose’s The Unlikely Disciple after having it sit in a box of “books to be read eventually” for half a year. Kevin Roose was a student at Brown University when he decided to transfer for one semester at Liberty University out of curiosity. This book is about that semester as the tag line implies: “A sinner’s semester at America’s holiest university.”

Perhaps I should begin with explaining why I read this book in the first place. Why would I, a moderate, stout Roman Catholic, read a book by a wishy-washy, liberal Christian spending a semester at an Evangelical university founded by Jerry Fallwell, the founder of the Moral Majority and the Christian Right? That is a very good question…

To start, this book was recommended to me by an atheist/agnostic teenager living in an evangelical household (oh the irony). After reading a few excerpts from Kevin’s website and Amazon, I decided that I had to have this book. When I finally got around to reading it after graduation I couldn’t put it down. The concept of a person going to a school essentially diametrically opposed to his ideas is fascinating but more importantly, the way that Kevin approached Liberty (with an open mind and willing to try new things) helped him give Evangelicals a human feel. Now, I’m no friend of evangelicalism but nor am I really a friend of liberalism which puts me in an interesting place to read this book.

I enjoyed watching the spiritual growth that Kevin described during his study “abroad” at Liberty but I also found myself empathizing with the students at Liberty: I saw past the labels that we as a society often put on evangelicals. So, not everyone at Liberty is as crazy as Pat Robertson but that doesn’t mean they aren’t still a little crazy. There are times when Kevin distantly (temporally) reflects on his experience and times when you can tell he is writing notes the night of the events. The prose is clear and concise but I wish there were headers or better transitions between sections rather than white space.

Overall, I loved the book and I learned a lot about both the views of your run of the mill Evangelical and Kevin’s secular, liberal friends and family. I appreciate his appreciation for certain aspects of religion such as being prayed for, the charismatic feel of worship, and rules against various vices (drinking, smoking, sex). I particularly liked reading about his quasi-romance with Anne at Liberty and as it was brought up I kept wondering how it was going to work out. As an aside, I laughed that she called him a pansy for not asking her out despite feeling like he couldn’t get involved too much per his role as a journalist.

In a way, Liberty can be paralleled to Franciscan University of Steubenville as a Catholic university that from the outside looking in (and I can say that I have one foot in and one foot out) it seems to be unwelcoming and condescending. To some extent, perhaps, people there can be. There is an aversion from “other” types of people when you live in the extremes portrayed by the media and represented by members of society such as Richard Dawkins and Pat Robertson. I hate to pick on non-Catholics but since I don’t keep up on icons of Catholic extremism (and almost everyone talks about Catholic leaders as if they are extremist), I have no examples outside of a few friends who border (or flat out are) examples of religious and political extremism.

The point is this: every group has its extremists but that loud minority should not represent the whole. As intelligent individuals we ought to seek out the real people behind a movement. The loud mouth pundits don’t represent the whole and the media really does distort everything you say. I should have listened to Animaniacs when I was a kid

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